after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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