it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
When did angry sex become our thing?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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