Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
being pregnant is like rehab
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
