I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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