What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
