just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
