I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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