We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I need water and some morals
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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