if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize