with your own penis?
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Randomize
