im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
