So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
