But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I looked at my own cervix.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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