Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
