Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
