I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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