I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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