Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
