its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
