I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
