he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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