I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
