Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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