Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
