i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
