Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
