Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
