don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
did you just send me my own nude
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
