I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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