His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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