I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
