You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
