My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
