woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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