saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
