East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize