Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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