glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize