i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
