This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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