I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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