dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
