I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize