it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
