i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
