Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
