We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I love you.
Bad choice
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
