Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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