I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
