Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
