Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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