I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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