haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
So much Jack, so little girl.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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