I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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