...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
