Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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