God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
My ATM looks so different sober.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
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