Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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