You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
