now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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