I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
