He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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