I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I would fuck him just for his dog
Randomize
