I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
