We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
