we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
