Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
