Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
