So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
