now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
