Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
