just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
