I wish I could punch you in the face.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
