just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
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