I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
You took a bar mat shot.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
